June 5, 2006
Birthdays
Born on January 1, I have been surrounded by birthday celebration
since birth. During college, my team, Ole Miss, played in
the Sugar Bowl and what a party my parents put on for my friends
on that New Year’s Day!
Thus you can understand why my husband and I planned to celebrate
our combined “decade” birthdays in style. On Feb
1, 2001, we sent invitations to our six children (a blended
family) inviting them to join us on a Caribbean Cruise over
the New Year Holiday. Later that month my husband died suddenly
from a heart attack. Shocked and flooded with decisions and
grief, I put off considering whether to go or not to go on
the cruise. Our birthday celebration plans were shattered
and I had deep sadness in my heart, knowing my husband would
not be there. I grieved.
Thoughtfully by mid summer, I decided to go. Looking back,
I realize we all held onto this point of joy in the midst
of our sorrow. On family conference calls we shared thoughts
and ideas, coordinated our arrival at the ship and prepared
a Special Toast to honor my husband. I requested a family
picture, each person wearing khaki slacks and a white shirt.
While taking this picture aboard ship, a bystander commented,
“Are you all doing a Gap commercial?” From that
time on we have been collectively called the “Von Gap
Family”.
I felt very celebrated on my birthday with gifts and horns
and hats, gourmet food and champagne. Wearing a long red dress,
I danced the night away. How good it felt to honor our very
important family member with memories and a toast and to have
the permission to be happy together.
Every year since then, I have planned my birthday with purpose,
not waiting on others to do so: visiting Disneyworld; watching
Ole Miss play in the Cotton Bowl, sailing in Florida; setting
off fireworks in L.A. (Lower Alabama). Each occasion I consider
a conscious step forward toward joy after suffering the pain
of my husband’s death.
Coaching Tips:
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Ask friends about their meaningful birthdays.
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What does being celebrated feel like to
you? Create that feeling for your birthday.
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To have a coach is to have an objective
partner in designing your steps from pain to joy.
-
Seek no longer. I hear you knocking. Call
me and I will open the door to clarity and purpose.
With warm regards,
Susan Sadler Hayman
International Life Transitions Coach
Call me at 662-238-7754
www.susanhayman.com
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